Closer and closer…

“I’m scared something bad will happen.” – Anonymous

So, tomorrow even I post Chapter 1 and I’m going to be completely honest I am terrified. What am I going to do if nobody likes it? Or what if nobody reads it? Or gets as lost in the words as I did? I am slowly starting to freak out. I’ve read and reread over the first chapter about a million times trying to see if I could or would change something in it, but I’ve decided that I’m going to post it as is. My heart beats frantically just thinking about it. I pray everyone likes it. Oh, and even though I am petrified to be posting this chapter, please do not be scared to leave feedback no matter what, whether it’s positive and/or negative. You have to understand I am learning and everything would help either way.  This is my one big dream and I’m really, really excited about this, but so freaking scared all at the same time about people actually reading this. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I have been up all night and all day. The insomnia kicked in majorly last night and wouldn’t let me get any sleep at all. Not even an hour, so at around 8 this morning, I said screw it, and got up. I started with washing my sheets and blankets, moved on to the dishes, then the trash, more laundry, and then I decided to vacuum the entire house. I’m pretty sure insomnia has turned out to be some kind of drug for me.  I’ve been going all day on nothing. I’m pretty sure I’m going to crash here in the next few hours.

I went out and got the rest of my stuff from the ex, S, today. I was so nervous about it. I surely thought it was going to be awkward and sad, but it wasn’t. We had nice conversation and I got to play with my dogs that I have missed so much. I’m glad that it went smoothly and I don’t really have to worry about us being at odds with each other. I don’t think I could handle that. After us being together for 9 years, I’m glad we can have a normal sort of kind of relationship. Well, as normal as one can be from just breaking up 6 months ago.
A lot of people keep telling me to quit talking to him and to just drop him out of my life completely, but I can’t do that. I can’t not have him around. He’s been a part of my life for so long now. Granted we don’t really talk that much and I don’t really think it’s a good idea for us to talk, but at least I know he’s there if I was to need him.

Well, everyone, chapter 1 will be posted soon. I’m so nervous………………

♥ Kirsten

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