Things Happen For A Reason……. I Think

“If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.” – Pam Brown

I know I was supposed to start posting my story as of today, but it will be put off one more day. Today has been horrible. My dog, that my ex and I had together, died. She was such a great dog, so beautiful, so calm, and just an amazing bulldog. S” loved her so much. Almost probably more than anyone. When he called me and told me, I seriously thought he was lying. I laughed at him. I just played with her last night, but he was serious. And even though he’s my ex, freshly made ex, and the feelings are still there for him, I went to him. I helped him bury her and I held him while both our tears fell freely. He literally walked up to me, wrapped me in his arms, and said, ” I killed our dog. I couldn’t save her.” It was such a sad moment. He asked me to stay with him and I wanted to so bad, but the more I laid there the more I got to thinking about how much I missed him and loved him. In the end, I decided to leave. And now I feel so bad for leaving him there by himself, especially with him thinking it was his fault she died. That he could’ve saved her. It wasn’t his fault. He did all that he could to try to save her. But his heart is so broken. He actually told me tonight that he was going to need me. Actually NEED me. In the whole 9 years we were together, he never told me he needed me. I can’t believe I left him there by himself, but I just couldn’t handle it. It felt like we never broke up. I snuggled into him like I always used to do and it just felt so right. Am I a horrible person for leaving him there feeling like that? I’m supposed to be there for him, but how can I just pretend like I don’t feel for him and just be the person he wants me to be.  I’m hoping Daisy dying happened for a reason. Because her dying has completely torn someone apart. And it scares me. “S” isn’t a bad guy and doesn’t deserve to feel like this. I don’t pray that much, but tonight I’m praying for him. He’s going to be hurting so bad tomorrow when it finally kicks in that his dog is dead. I think right now he’s kind of in denial. Or shock. I think I am too. We’ve had her since she was a baby. It’s so sad when you loose a pet.  Rest In Peace Daisy Mae Brown. Daddy and I will miss you bunches. ♥

How do you help someone from hurting so much? I wish I could take all of his pain away. I guess all I can do is just be there for him, but I am so scared.  How do I help him realize that it wasn’t fault? I love him and I always will, but I need to put that aside and be there. I’m sorry to put all of this on you guys, but I seriously need some advice. And all of those waiting for Chapter 1, don’t worry I will post it tomorrow.

♥ Kirsten

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