And it’s time…:)

Okay, everyone tonight I’m posting the first part of Chapter 1. I am so excited what everyone will think, but also seriously nervous. I want a lot of feedback whether it’s good or bad. All feedback is appreciated. So here we go….

Btw: All material is copyrighted. If stolen, believe me I will hunt you down and you will be in seriously big trouble.

Chapter 1/Part 1: The Beginning

At long last it was the final class of the day and the last day of school. It was over…my senior year was finally over. I sat there looking at my classmates and almost started crying. Even though I couldn’t stand over half of these people, I would probably only be seeing them passing by. Maybe I’ll never see or talk to any of them again, which I was wishing that would be true for a certain few.  While those thoughts drifted about in my mind, the sniffles coming from the back row caught my attention. My best friend was doing the same thing I had been doing, looking around the room and probably having the same thoughts I was just deliberating on. I smiled at her when our eyes connected, a silent commitment being made between friends to make sure we stay in contact.

Before we could have a happy breakdown, our teacher decided to give us some parting words, “Well, class….I’m not going to say it’s been a pleasure, because most of you gave me hell every day of the week. But nevertheless, I will say good luck because I know most of you will need it.” Mr. Willington said as he looked right at me. I smiled weakly at him and thought ‘Did I really make his life that difficult?’ The bell rang and most of us sat here in a daze as the realization hit us and that it was over. The tears had actually started falling freely from my eyes when my best friend, Daisy, ran up and gave me a hug and not surprisingly I actually hugged her back. Everyone was saying bye and wandering around the room, curious if they should give people hugs that they couldn’t care less about. Daisy and I finally wandered out into the hallway, where it looked like a tornado had come flying through. Books, papers, lockers hung open, and textbooks all thrown across the hallways. We finally made it to our lockers. I opened mine and stared at it. Did I want to throw all my stuff down the hall too? I looked over at the line of lockers I had failed to make contact with for the whole Senior year. I had become invisible to them, which was great, but now that school was over, I wanted one last look at him. He was standing there with his back to the locker, one leg up, and completely unaware of how beautiful he was. He would raise his head and smile when someone would tell him bye. I stared at him for what seemed like hours to me, memorizing every line of his face. The way his green eyes sparkled, I mean actually sparkled in the light, the scar on his lip that didn’t show unless he smiled, his nose and the perfect shape of it.

“Lydia, you’re staring at him again.” Daisy said as she slammed my locker, which made him look up and look right at me. For a moment our eyes locked and I seriously thought I was floating towards him. His smiled that sexy smile that I loved and then went back to doing whatever it was that he found so fascinating.

I turned around to face her, “He is the only thing I am going to miss this year.”

“Ouch, that hurt,” She faked hurtfulness, and I just rolled my eyes at her, “Well, you should tell him that.” She replied easily.

“That’s easy for you to say. What? Just walk up to him and say Zhander, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you. I dream about you. I obsess over you.” I shook my head and laughed. Daisy looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. “What is wrong with you?” I watched her nudge her head in the direction behind me. I knew he was behind me. I knew without looking. I could feel him. I could smell him, that deep musky scent. I turned around to face him.

“Don’t you think we should go on a date first before you start announcing you’re in love with me? I could be nothing that you think I am.” He said arms crossed over his chest and a snicker on his face.

“I am, um….I…” I couldn’t breathe. My mind had gone blank. I didn’t even know my name.

“Lydia? Right?” I nodded. “Meet you tonight at Bridgetown Bridge. All the seniors are getting together to say one last goodbye.” I shook my head again, but this time I could feel the smile starting on my face. I was going to smile so big my face was going to hurt.

“Okay. We will see you there, Zhander.” Daisy said for us and with that he walked away. When he walked away I felt like I was dying. My life was gone. I wanted to scream at him to come back and comfort me. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Well, that was interesting.” Daisy said, smiling as she grabbed her coat out of her locker and headed out the same way Zhander had just gone. I slowly followed behind her. Maybe I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. My chest ached. My head hurt and I was starting to see stars. Actual stars. I wanted to grab one. Something was definitely wrong with me.

“I think I need to go see the nurse, Daisy.” I said before everything swirled into a greyish black and I fell like two tons of brick. My head hit the concrete, bouncing off upon impact before my vision faded to black.


9 thoughts on “And it’s time…:)

  1. I really liked this – but there is a baloon hovering over some of the page blocking out some words 😦 I’m not sure if it’s my settings or the way the page is set out. I’ll try it in Firefox and see if it’s the same.

      • I think it’s a really good story. The only thing you need to watch out for is some grammar.

        I’ve put an example below.

        “Ouch, that hurt,” She faked hurtfulness, and I just rolled my eyes at her, “Well, you should tell him that.” She replied easily.

        (changes in brackets)

        “Ouch, that hurt,” (s)he faked hurtfulness, and I just rolled my eyes at her(.) “Well, you should tell him that(,)” (s)he replied easily.

        I could still see the ballons blocking the text in Firefox – but that still may be the settings I have on my computer (I like the balloon theme!) Ask a friend if they can look at it (on a different computer) to see if they notice it

  2. To keep your pacing, don’t be afraid to just say, “She said” or “He said” without any extra added. Use some movement some of the time, but not in every sentence.

    Also, try to decide who’s POV you are in, and stick with it. I did notice you changing point of view within the same sentence.

    Just polish it up a little.

    Good luck!

  3. It’s good…great job, Kirsten 🙂 I agree about the grammar – quick edits and simple proofreading will help with that. But it’s definitely good. Glad I finally got a chance to start reading it!

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