Things Happen For A Reason……. I Think

“If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.” – Pam Brown

I know I was supposed to start posting my story as of today, but it will be put off one more day. Today has been horrible. My dog, that my ex and I had together, died. She was such a great dog, so beautiful, so calm, and just an amazing bulldog. S” loved her so much. Almost probably more than anyone. When he called me and told me, I seriously thought he was lying. I laughed at him. I just played with her last night, but he was serious. And even though he’s my ex, freshly made ex, and the feelings are still there for him, I went to him. I helped him bury her and I held him while both our tears fell freely. He literally walked up to me, wrapped me in his arms, and said, ” I killed our dog. I couldn’t save her.” It was such a sad moment. He asked me to stay with him and I wanted to so bad, but the more I laid there the more I got to thinking about how much I missed him and loved him. In the end, I decided to leave. And now I feel so bad for leaving him there by himself, especially with him thinking it was his fault she died. That he could’ve saved her. It wasn’t his fault. He did all that he could to try to save her. But his heart is so broken. He actually told me tonight that he was going to need me. Actually NEED me. In the whole 9 years we were together, he never told me he needed me. I can’t believe I left him there by himself, but I just couldn’t handle it. It felt like we never broke up. I snuggled into him like I always used to do and it just felt so right. Am I a horrible person for leaving him there feeling like that? I’m supposed to be there for him, but how can I just pretend like I don’t feel for him and just be the person he wants me to be.  I’m hoping Daisy dying happened for a reason. Because her dying has completely torn someone apart. And it scares me. “S” isn’t a bad guy and doesn’t deserve to feel like this. I don’t pray that much, but tonight I’m praying for him. He’s going to be hurting so bad tomorrow when it finally kicks in that his dog is dead. I think right now he’s kind of in denial. Or shock. I think I am too. We’ve had her since she was a baby. It’s so sad when you loose a pet.  Rest In Peace Daisy Mae Brown. Daddy and I will miss you bunches. ♥

How do you help someone from hurting so much? I wish I could take all of his pain away. I guess all I can do is just be there for him, but I am so scared.  How do I help him realize that it wasn’t fault? I love him and I always will, but I need to put that aside and be there. I’m sorry to put all of this on you guys, but I seriously need some advice. And all of those waiting for Chapter 1, don’t worry I will post it tomorrow.

♥ Kirsten


Closer and closer…

“I’m scared something bad will happen.” – Anonymous

So, tomorrow even I post Chapter 1 and I’m going to be completely honest I am terrified. What am I going to do if nobody likes it? Or what if nobody reads it? Or gets as lost in the words as I did? I am slowly starting to freak out. I’ve read and reread over the first chapter about a million times trying to see if I could or would change something in it, but I’ve decided that I’m going to post it as is. My heart beats frantically just thinking about it. I pray everyone likes it. Oh, and even though I am petrified to be posting this chapter, please do not be scared to leave feedback no matter what, whether it’s positive and/or negative. You have to understand I am learning and everything would help either way.  This is my one big dream and I’m really, really excited about this, but so freaking scared all at the same time about people actually reading this. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I have been up all night and all day. The insomnia kicked in majorly last night and wouldn’t let me get any sleep at all. Not even an hour, so at around 8 this morning, I said screw it, and got up. I started with washing my sheets and blankets, moved on to the dishes, then the trash, more laundry, and then I decided to vacuum the entire house. I’m pretty sure insomnia has turned out to be some kind of drug for me.  I’ve been going all day on nothing. I’m pretty sure I’m going to crash here in the next few hours.

I went out and got the rest of my stuff from the ex, S, today. I was so nervous about it. I surely thought it was going to be awkward and sad, but it wasn’t. We had nice conversation and I got to play with my dogs that I have missed so much. I’m glad that it went smoothly and I don’t really have to worry about us being at odds with each other. I don’t think I could handle that. After us being together for 9 years, I’m glad we can have a normal sort of kind of relationship. Well, as normal as one can be from just breaking up 6 months ago.
A lot of people keep telling me to quit talking to him and to just drop him out of my life completely, but I can’t do that. I can’t not have him around. He’s been a part of my life for so long now. Granted we don’t really talk that much and I don’t really think it’s a good idea for us to talk, but at least I know he’s there if I was to need him.

Well, everyone, chapter 1 will be posted soon. I’m so nervous………………

♥ Kirsten

First Book

Be couragous, and  try to write in a way that scares you a little.” -Holley Gerth

I remember the very first book I read. “Frog and Toad,” by Arnold Lobel and being so excited that I had actually read the whole book by myself. I remember running up to my mom and begging her to sit down while I read the book to her. After that it was over. I was a reading machine. I loved everything about books. The smell, the feeling of the pages, and the way you could just sit there and get so completely lost that you would actually think you were one with the book. I remember my mom introducing me to V.C. Andrews books and how transfixed I was on them. I think I actually read the first series in little over a week. The crazy thing is that to this day I’m still the exact same way when it comes to books. I love them. I’m a book nerd and I do not care. I’d rather spend a day sitting in a comfy spot and getting so completely lost in the words  that I would forget everything else. Books are amazing. It kills me to realize that to this day there’s not very many people that actually read.

I mostly read either teenage romances or anything that deals with the paranormal. I know what you’re thinking, here I am 30 years old and I read teenage romance books, but I can’t help it. They just seem so much more personal than adult romances. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m all about reading the sex parts in the adult stories, but in the teenage romances they can fall in love without having sex with each other, and call me crazy, but it’s just love.  My bookshelves right now are completely filled with either of these and only these. I have everything from books on fairies, zombies, vampires, demons, and witches. So, which brings me to my novel that I am writing. I’ve included my two favorite things, teenagers and the paranormal.  There’s so many books out there like this now, but I had to give it a try. Characters have been bouncing around in my head for quite a while now and I figured it was time for me to get their stories out. So far, they feel better and so do I.

I have problems when it comes to getting my words out onto paper. I know what I want it to say and what I want you to feel when you read it, but I can’t ever seem to get it out that way. So, I get stuck for days and days trying to figure out just the right words for the descriptions. Descriptions are my worse enemy. I have found an editor, free of charge, that I have known for quite a long time. I write things out and he does a pretty damn good job of adding more description or just editing my own words. Thank Goodness for my dear friend, Walter Coleman. I’ve decided that if I ever do make it big with at least one of my books, he gets total dedication.

Top of my bookshelf

I picked the quote tonight for one reason. Exactly what it says. If you’re a writer, then you know exactly what it feels like to write outside of your comfort zone and how much you question yourself after, but I believe what the quote says, and from this moment, I’m going to write in a way that scares me a little. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when I do this, but I’m hoping that something amazing will happen. If you write, like I do, and never leave your comfort zone, try something different. You may like the outcome in the end.


Here Goes Nothing…..

“Because you’re young, you’re torn between a world of hate, and a world of dreams. So much to lose, so much to gain, so much to fight for, so much to change.” -Anonymous

So, this is the beginning of a blog for me. I’ve been working on a story/novel for a little over a year now and I haven’t gotten very far into the story. I’m only on having chapter 6 edited for me, but quite a few of my closest friends and family have read it. My sister, Kolbi and my best friend Kristen both said I should start a blog for my story/works. So, as you can all see I am taking their advice and I am starting one. As of right now, I already know I will have at least 2 people reading this. Love you sis and bestie!

I picked the quote at the beginning for a couple of reasons. The first being I am completely scared of change. Almost to the point that I haven’t accomplished quite a few things in my life that I wish I would’ve due to the fact of something having to change, but I’m so young and I shouldn’t be afraid anymore. I’m not going to be afraid anymore whether it will be something I gain or something I will lose. Also, I have been really scared to let anyone read anything that I have written. Very few people have for fear of it not being liked or someone having something bad to say, but how can I become a writer if I don’t let anyone read what I write? Isn’t that the point, writing, for someone to read what you wrote and maybe, just maybe, if you’re lucky they will get just as lost into your words as you did when you were writing them.

Anyway, here goes nothing. I will be adding new chapters every week to the story that I am currently working on for at least the next 6 weeks, since I have 6 chapters done, and I will also be using this for my own agenda too. Kind of like a two way street. So, if you are actually reading this. Chapter 1 will be posted Monday.