Sorry I haven’t wrote in a few days. My life has been kind of insane, but fun all the same.
It’s now 3am. “Dancer” is passed out on the floor of my room. Snoring. I want to touch him, wrap my arms around him, and just snuggle into his warmth. I know he would freak out though. I think I scare him. He says he can’t ever tell if I’m being serious with him or not when I tease. I am joking for the most part, even though deep down I’m thinking, “What if.” I told him how I felt. He was over on Thursday, watching The Vampire Diaries with my roommate and I. By the way, The Vampire Diaries is my absolute favorite show. Ian Somerhalder, aka Damon Salvatore, is my dream actor. I would do some bad, bad things to that man. Mmmmmm. Oh, yeah sorry I like I was saying, he was over watching the show with us when he started asking me for my best friends’ phone number. I gave it to him even though it absolutely killed me. Yes, I texted her telling her what was going on. She didn’t message him back. So, I wait awhile before I text him the question I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer to. I asked him if he really liked my best friend.
him: Omg! Really!? Why you wanna know? Be honest!
me: Because I’m curious
me: Doesn’t really matter why. Just forget it. Goodnight.
him: First of all, it sounds like you may be jealous. Hmmmm??
So, guess what I do. Yup. Completely tell him the truth. I told him it would make me jealous. That I was crushing on him. Hard. I asked him if he was happy now that he got it out of me. And he says something that I knew was coming, but didn’t want to hear or actually read it. Our friendship was awesome. “We don’t need to bring feelings into it.” Yup, basically he doesn’t like me like that. Then I started crying. Not because he didn’t like me like that, but that now things were going to be weird between us and it would break my heart if our relationship was weird like that. He is one of my closest friends right now. He’s my sunshine in this crazy world. Him being around just makes me happy. I can pretend like he doesn’t mean that much to me if our friendship was the same. He came up to my work the next night to bring me a soda. It was amazing. Our friendship was exactly the same. Almost like I’d never said anything. Thank God, because I couldn’t handle loosing him. I hate when people leave me. I have this bad problem with people walking away from.
I met this guy on Plenty Of Fish. We’ll call him “Christian.” Anyway, he met me at my house, we went to eat dinner, and then rented 4 scary movies. I grabbed “Dark Shadows,” “Grave Encounters,” “Cabin In The Woods,” and “Season Of The Dead.” We watched all 4. So, he did end up staying with me and we did end up messing around. It was fantastic. He’s pretty dominate and I’ve never been dominated. I did not sleep with him, but I probably would’ve if I wasn’t hanging out with Aunt Flo. It was so intense. I’ve never had a sexual experience like that and I’m 30 years old. I don’t think I’m going to date him. He’s too dark and I’m all sunshine and rainbows. He’s in the Military and paranoid about everything. I just don’t know if I can handle his darkness and paranoia, but I can handle his dominance, so I think I might have a sexual relationship with him. I guess I should just throw it down for him. See, if he’s down.
My sister got a tattoo this past weekend. It’s beautiful and made me seriously green with envy. I love tattoos. They are beautiful. And my jealousy kicked in so bad. By the way, he tat says, “Go Forth and set the world on fire.” I love it. I even love it done in red. So, I made plans with her to go the next day so I could get a little infinity symbol on my wrist in red. We met up the next day and took the side road because it was a warm, beautiful Fall day. We made it about 4 miles before the exit we needed before my tire blew out. We were literally in the middle of nowhere. Thank God, we had cell phone service. I called my two friends that were car savvy and of course they didn’t answer. Finally, after about 5 cigarettes, I broke down and called my dad. He told me to call my brother. About 45 minutes later and about 20 hillybilly scary ass people stopping to ask if we were okay later, my brother shows with the spare tire off his car. It took forever for him to get my tire off because it was stuck. Finally, he did and guess what the spare didn’t fit. That would’ve been too easy. So, my brother had to go to the closest town, which was about 10 minutes away to buy me a brand new tire, leaving my sister and I once again stuck on the side of the road by ourselves, but this time my brother left us this huge metal pipe type thing for us to use just in case. My sister and I had a photo shoot with it, played baseball with rocks with it, and then pretended to fight over it. My brother finally returned, put the tire on, and we were on our way. But I realized this was probably Fate’s way of telling me I didn’t need a new tattoo, because the tire cost me $100. Even though my sister and I were stuck on the side of the road for most of the day, we had a blast. An absolute blast. I wouldn’t trade that day for anything. I think it brought us closer. We’ve been having lots of good times here lately.
I will probably post again tonight sometime. I’ve had lots to write about, but I’m tired.