Believe.In.Me.

“It’s beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and let them inside.” -Unknown.

This world is so twisted when it comes to love and relationships. Beyond twisted. People play games to try and figure out if the person is worth their time or not, they play with your mind to see how far they can push things without ever really caring what it does to you, and then, then maybe you’ll be accepted into their lives as someone they might want to have an actual relationship with. I’m so sick of it. I’m tired of trying and trying to only get burned in the end. What do I have to do to make you realize I’m worth it? I just want someone, to actually believe in me.

“One” and I are still talking, still hanging out, and still doing whatever it is that we are doing. He finally kissed me the other night and it was amazing. Kissing is a huge thing for me. I’ve been with two different guys who didn’t like kissing and I won’t go through that again. My best friend thinks that he’s not going to be good for me and she may be right, but that’s something I’m gonna have to figure out on my own. I did tell her that in 2 months if things were still the same and we hadn’t gone anywhere then she could slap and tell me I was headed into a bad path, but right now I feel like things are okay. Even if he does press my buttons, repeatedly.  But he did admit last night that he’s doing it to see how much he can get away with. I can handle quite a bit so we’ll see how far he thinks he’s going to get. I’ve been stepped on quite a bit when it comes to relationships, so I know when to step back or when to push. I’ve come to conclusion that he will end up being my boyfriend. I know he will. I just need him to believe in me.

He does make me beyond happy though when I’m with him. I feel like nothing can stop me or go wrong. I feel free and I want to smile at all times. Even after I leave him, the bubble takes a very long time to wear off.

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Challenge Accepted. Sir.

“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great.” –Anonymous

 

One” and I actually had a conversation about what we both wanted. I am so happy that he actually talked to me about it. He also told me about the things in his life that he wants to change/fix. It’s going to be a challenge, but I’m up to the challenge, hence the title of this post. He needs help and I’m going to help him. I can’t help him mentally, but physically I can. He needs out of his town, because all the people he surrounds himself with are just bringing him down, so I’ve hinted at him moving to my town. (It’s only a 30 minute difference, but if he doesn’t tell people, then the 30 minutes can change quite a bit of things.) He needs to get a job. Granted the boy doesn’t have to work due to having some very rich grandparents, but him working would give him something to do and would probably make him a little happier in knowing he’s accomplishing things and not just having money handed to him. Plus idle minds mean idle hands. He needs to get off of whatever drug it is that he’s on. I’m pretty sure he’s on pills and I can’t be around that. I’ve already had my problem with those and I honestly don’t know if I could handle them being back in my life.  I started down that road and it’s scary. I did things I’m not proud of for pills. I will NOT do that again. So, if that’s what he’s doing, then he’s gonna have to stop.  But I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Mentally, he’s got social anxiety badly. I mean badly. He knows and has accepted the fact that he’s got a problem, but he hasn’t accepted it to the point that he needs to go talk to him. I can not fix this. I can’t. So, I’m hoping that he’ll accept that he needs to talk to someone and go get the help that he needs. But I figure we take one step at a time. First is getting rid of the people that bring him down, second is getting a job, third is getting off the shit he’s on, and fourth is getting help for his anxiety. Looks like we’ve got a good plan. Now just to sit down and talk to him about this. Gah. I don’t know HOW I’m going to accomplish that, but I’m gonna try. Also, yes I know he should probably get off of whatever it is he’s on before looking for a job.

♥KirsTen

Ah, what a wonderful view….

This weekend I could breathe. Actually, breathe. It was amazing what a little fresh air could do for one person. What a little closeness to nature could do for you. The day started out rainy and dreary, but the more the day progressed it turned into a beautiful day, as you can see from the picture I’ve taken. I enjoyed the day with compassion in my heart and not for just the day, but whom I spent the day with. “one” surprised me by showing up out of nowhere, meeting my father, and then sweeping me away to a day of driving, laughing, and lots and lots of flirting. Oh, and eye contact, which I’m really bad at. We ended up snuggled on the couch watching a movie, but he is so extremely sexy. Everything about him. The way he smiles, walks, and even smokes his cigarette is hot. I’ve got it bad. Really bad. He’s a mess and I want to fix him. I know it isn’t really possible to fix him, but I’m gonna try my damnedest to make this happen. He will be mine whether he likes it or not. Muah ha ha aha haha! 

Taken at a friend's house

Taken at a friend’s house

Relationships in the 2000’s

Relationships these days are so much more different than the ones you read about in books or even watch on TV. I don’t understand it. Why does it have to be so different and why does it have to be such a game these days?  I fully believe that if two people like each other, then they should try to make it work, but now people play games to see which one has the power over the other. Why can’t there be dates, courting, wooing, and even going steady these days? What happened to it all? What dramatically changed these generations into thinking it was okay to be the way we are now? I believe in all that and it’s so hard finding someone who actually believes in all the same things that I do. And believe me, I’ve tried. I just can’t fathom living by these rules that people have for relationships these days. The other night I sat down with a very dear friend of mine and he told me the “Rules of Dating” and all I could think is WTF. There’s dating, hanging out, going steady, and then bf/gf. It’s amazing to me all the hoops you have to go through just to hang out with someone that you like. Why can’t it just go like it used to? When someone liked you, they asked you on a date, then if you like him too, you’d go steady with that guy/girl, and they’d give you their class ring to wear or even their jacket. Now it’s pulling teeth just to get someone to go on an actual date. I have gone on a few dates and I know by the end of the date if I’m going to continue seeing that person or not. I’m not going to continually lead you on to see if I may or may not like you. To me that just doesn’t make sense. You either like them or you don’t. There’s no in between. I remember sitting by the phone when I was younger waiting for someone to call me just so I could talk to them. Now there’s texting, emails, and whatever else use of technology that can be found to get in contact with that person. There’s no surprise in it anymore. I’ve found that I don’t like talking on the phone much these days unless the person absolutely without a doubt interests me beyond the norm and then I might pick up the phone to talk to you. That’s something I’ve rarely found these days. I prefer to text. But then again how do you really get to know someone if all you do is text. It’s not the same. I just want a relationship where it goes out of this society’s norms and goes back to the way, I believe, it should be. Wish me luck. I’m not giving up until I get what I want. It’s going to be dates, going steady, and all that good stuff. Maybe someone will even send me flowers one day. 
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For once just go with it…

Why can’t people just let go and go with it? Why can’t you let go and be happy for once? What are people so scared of? I can’t help but question these factors. You could miss out on something that would’ve been so amazing just because you were a little scared. Everyone gets their heart broken. It’s the way of the world and I understand not wanting to go through it again. And I speak from experience when it comes to being heart broken. It does suck, but I’m not going to throw something away that could be amazing. “One” and I are still talking, but he’s so guarded that I want to scream. Finally, I just went on a little rampage and threw out all the ideas I’d had about him not wanting what he wanted. Guess what? He agreed with me on all of them. The one that stuck out the most to me is that he’s scared that I’m going to hurt him, which I AM NOT. Well not intentionally and I don’t plan on it. I just want to be happy and being around him makes me that way. You never know what could happen or where things would go, but I may not ever know because he’s too scared to even start something. I want to shake him and tell him to give me what I want. I’m not used to not getting what I want. I’m not trying to sound cocky, but I can be pretty persuasive when it comes to things I want. Whether it is boys, items, or jobs. People like me and I like people. Plus I may or may not have a smile that lights up a room. 🙂

So, I ask again why run? You’re going to ruin something that could be amazing, but you’re too scared to take a chance and I’m not going to wait around on your forever. Be bold. Be free. Take a chance.

I am back!!!!!

It’s taken me awhile to build up the courage to get back on here and put my thoughts down for the world to see. A very long time. Almost a year has gone by or maybe longer since I last posted something. It makes me very happy to see that people who I was following are still on here and posting things still. This post won’t be too long because I’m tired and have to work tomorrow, but I just wanted to say I’M BACK PEOPLE!!!!!  I will probably post another post later today about what’s been going on. Now that one may be pretty long, so you’d have to bare with me.

♥ Kirsten

Just text me….

“I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if it’s just for a second, that I’ve crossed your mind.” -anonymous  

My crush on “Dancer” is getting worse and bigger. We’ve been spending a lot of time together. I mean, a lot. He comes up to my work almost every night now and hangs out with me. We talk about everything and anything. It makes me happy. He makes me happy. It’s not weird to me or even awkward. Our relationship is completely platonic right now and it’s AMAZING. I told him tonight that being around him makes me happy and completely pushes the “ex” out of my mind. I don’t think about him, miss him, or anything when “Dancer” is around.  He flirts me, but always backtracks and says he’s just teasing me.  And then I will flirt back and he immediately goes quiet. He doesn’t know if I’m serious or not, but I always tell him I’m just teasing. Finally, tonight I was like ‘What if I wasn’t teasing?’ He got really quiet and said, ‘Well, I guess we’ll cross that bridge if it happens.’ So, as things are going right now, I will probably not tell him. I will keep it all to myself, because I can’t loose him. I can’t. He’s the only thing/person that takes my mind off the “ex.”  I have to keep it to myself and it’s actually okay. I’d rather have him as my friend than ruin our friendship. What would you do? Would you tell him or keep it to yourself knowing that it could be something great? I will take any advice you may have to off. 🙂

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Tonight, at work, this really hot guy checks into my hotel and asks me for the Gov’t rate, so being the talkative person I am, I ask him if he’s stationed at the Military base about 30 miles from my town. He says yes and then whispers, “I’m a Wounded Soldier.” I looked up at him surprised and smiled as I said, “Excuse me.”  He went on to tell me about being shot in the back of the neck, close to his spine. I was like, “Well, you look pretty good for getting shot. And I’m glad you’re okay.” He smiles at me the most beautiful smiles and then drops a huge bomb.  Apparently, his spine is deteriorating and he will end up being paralyzed from the neck down. My jaw literally dropped to the floor and I could feel the tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. The sadness in his eyes that came through after he told me was a look I will never forget. I told him I was really sorry, smiled my best smile, and also told him I would pray for him. I wanted to run to the other side of the counter and give him a huge hug, but he was there for a wedding reception and did check in two guests for the room. So, I’m guessing he had a girlfriend. I felt so bad for him. It really broke my heart, shattered it into a million pieces, but I thank him for fighting for my freedom. I can’t shake the feeling and how upset he was, but he was beautiful in that same moment. Please pray for him. His name was Matt. That’s all I can give you.

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I’m not happy about Winter closing in on us. It’s coming a whole lot faster than I’m ready for. I love the snow, but I seriously can not stand to be cold. Once I am cold, I can’t warm up. Once my toes and nose get to that point, there’s no coming back from that. No matter how much clothes I put on. I’m all about the warm weather. I love Summer, the heat, the swimming suits, pools, and the sun’s rays.  Spring is pretty damn awesome too, but it seems like this year fall has been completely missed and it went straight on to Winter. I can’t take this. Already. I didn’t even get a chance to “warm” up to it. To gradually go into the coldness. It’s almost time for me to hibernate and not come out until that sun is shining warm, warm rays to warm me up. Ugh.  I am not happy about this situation.

♥ Kirsten

 

p.s. Chapter 4 of my story will be posted Monday night. But if you haven’t read it as of now, go check it out. Here’s the link:

http://www.myworstenemystory.wordpress.com